Boob Tuber

Seeing as Matthew is 4 years old now it's no surprise that he has favourite shows he likes to watch. So I plopped him in front of the tube the other day to watch one of them, when little Maya starts blabbing excitedly to me. "Bumba. Bumbob. Bungba". And pointing down the hallway to our bedroom. It took about 60 seconds for me to realize what she was saying: SPONGEBOB. She wanted to watch Spongebob in my room, just like her brother does. I asked her if that's what she meant, she nodded with a huge smile on her face, and toddled into our room and waited for me to turn on the TV. Then sat quietly watching her new favourite show...for about 5 minutes. Then she decided she wanted to watch what Matthew was watching.

The Vagina Monologues

When talking to the kids about certain body parts I really try to use the real terminology and not nicknames and such (just like the books say I'm supposed to). I guess Matthew's been half-listening to me, as last night he asked his father to put powder on his "vagina". LOL. So obviously he's only been half-listening to what I've been saying cuz he's unaware that he doesn't have one of those. Then he started talking about vaginas for about 2 minutes. I have this funny feeling that it's gonna be MY kid in the school yard telling all the other kids "Boys have penises. Girls have vaginas". That and teaching them all the swear words. Oh I'm gonna be popular with the other Moms when he hits school!

Playing doctor

I guess the fiasco with the needles really made a lasting impression on Maya. A few days after getting her shots, I caught her playing doctor with one of her dolls. She was sticking her doll with a needle and saying "Ow". LOL

Traumatized

I took both kids to get their shots a week or so ago. Both at the same time. Well what a show that was!

Matthew went first, and boy oh boy did he not like it! "OOOOWWWWWWWWW! MOMMY THAT HUUUUUURRRRRRRRRT! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! OWWWWWWWWWWW! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!". You get the picture. But it gets worse, cuz he needed TWO needles. "NOOOOOOOO MOMMY! I DON'T LIKE THIS! I HATE THE DOCTOR! OWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME RIGHT NOW! I NEVER COMING TO DA DOCTORS AGAIN! OWWWWWWWWWWW!". Keep in mind this is before the second needle went in.

Maya of course is watching the whole thing. Her little blue eyes bug right out and she turned white as a ghost (which isn't saying much since she's so white you can hardly see her in a snowbank). Then it's her turn. The doctor comes near her with a needle and she knows this is gonna suck. First needle. "Waaaaaaaaaah". Tries to squirm away but I'm got the Vulcan Death Grip on her. Second needle goes in. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!". Then Matthew starts up again cuz, oh yeah he forgot, his needles really hurt. Now Maya sees Matthew all upset and wails louder.

It's all done, and they walk out of the doctor's office, rubbing their arms and crying "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" in unison. My doctor is usually not the jovial type, but I saw him in the corner with a colleague of his laughing. And I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. The two kids whine all the way to the coat rack, passing the waiting room where everyone there was laughing too.

On the way home, Matthew was having flashbacks I guess and wanted to talk to Daddy at work. I call Chris from my cell, put Matthew on, and as soon as he hears Daddy's voice he whines "Daddy the doctor hurted me!". So I start laughing all over again.

Matthew now swears he will never go to the doctor ever again.

Long time, no blog

OK I'm back. Chris has been ragging on me to write some shit down. Stay tuned for whatever spews out of my head onto the screen.

Christmas musings

In our attempt to get ready for the Christmas festivities, here's where we're at now and what still needs to get done:

-Tree is decorated. Downstairs. Wish it were upstairs but our house is too small. No comments from the peanut gallery please (aka IL's).

-I still have to decorate the little tree for the kids' room. It was my (not-so) brilliant idea to drag it out of the cold cellar for them, as I must've thought at the time that I don't have nearly enough items on my to-do list

-Most of the presents are wrapped. Woohoo for me! I usually don't start wrapping til Dec 22nd so I'm improving. :) I still however have to put the presents under the tree. We can't be perfect ya know.

-Roger and Tiffany (friends) had their baby boy the other day; an early Christmas gift. 9lbs! How appropriate at this time of year she'd give birth to a baby Butterball!

-It looks like it'll be a white Christmas. Yay! Last year we barely had any snow and it sucked large! Mind you shovelling and snowblowing sucks large too. Quite the conundrum (sp?).

-I still have some Hallowe'en decorations on my front porch! Gotta switch those over, but it's too cold to go outside. The wind already blew some off into the snow on the front yard. Still waiting for it to happen to the rest so I won't have to do it. :)

-My company party is on the 22nd. Yay, a Christmas party AT CHRISTMASTIME! Most ppl are complaining however. Wah wah wah. I still need to buy something to wear cuz apparently it gets fancy. Unfortunately fat-chick clothes are kinda expensive (must be the extra fabric), so damn!

-I'm still fat. See above.

-House is almost 100% decorated. Still need to put my Dickens Village on top of my kitchen cabinets, but I'm really lazy. It's a lot of work but looks really cute. Hmmmm.

-The kids are working diligently at their Advent Calendars. They get really buzzed though on the sugar from one tiny little chocolate! And this is one of those calendars that lasts til New Year's. Ugh! I might not last til New Year's!

-Still need to buy food for Christmas dinner. Menu has been decided but need to figure out what to do about dessert(s). That's the most important part next to the turkey!

-I'm starting to lose my taste for chocolate. Huh? Me? Maybe I'll take up drinking as my new vice. Or get a hobby?

-We still need to get the kids to see Santa Claus for their annual picture. But it has to be on a day/night that neither Chris or I are working. Gotta do at least ONE thing together as a family! So far I'm booked up with working nights. Hmmmm.

-We still need to take a picture of the kids in front of the tree downstairs. But first we have to clean up downstairs or you'll never be able to find the kids in the picture amongst all the crap! By the time it gets cleaned up and we go to grab the camera, the Dynamic Duo have messed things up again. Think Tazmanian Devil X2!

-Can't decide how to cook the turkey. Would rather start it the day before on a really low temperature but some ppl might not appreciate salmonella poisoning. What's a little diarrhea among family?

-I don't know if I have enough stuff for the kids' stockings. Seriously they don't need more stuff, but they NEED a stocking (according to me, but Chris disagrees, despite me not asking him for his opinion! LOL). It's becoming a serious source of stress for me (can you say that 3 times fast?).

-My Christmas shopping is done but I thought of one more thing for Maya. Do I do it or not?

-Chris opened up the Brandy Beans I bought as a gift for PMA (old job). Matthew doesn't like them and neither do I, but Matthew and I discovered they're not bad as long as we bite off the top and drain the brandy out of them in the sink and eat the rest. So we're not angry with Chris for what he did. :)

-I want to go to PMA with the kids to show off how cute they are. Do I show up without a gift or find something else? Do I really drive 1 1/2 hours to show ppl how cute my babies are? Ummmm, yeah! I like hearing it. :)

-A new home makes a great Christmas gift, so why is it so dead here at work (Royal LePage)?

-I need a new bottle of Tylenol soon as I've had at least 2 headaches a day for a couple of weeks.
-Matthew and Maya are big fans of Frosty the Snowman. However they hate Frosty Returns. Can't blame them. It's not the real Frosty. Smart kids!

-I have been singing Frosty the Snowman for about a week straight now. Except for the other morning when I woke up singing "Waffle Santa" from Shrek the Halls.

-Chris has been sick for nearly 2 weeks I think. The house is a mess as a result. How do single parents look after the kids AND the house AND work? I'm so darn tired I'm gonna die!

So far that's all we've been doing or haven't been doing. What a Holly Jolly Christmas!

One of the boys

My precious baby girl has learned to belch on cue! She burps, Matthew laughs hysterically, so she starts belching while he nearly pees himself laughing. No pizza or beer required.

I don't think I'll ever be the same again

My son has turned into an absolute klutz. He's constantly hurting himself and the only way for me to make the pain stop is to kiss the owie better.

Tonight he was jumping around like an idiot and accidentally bit his tongue. He runs to me screaming his head off, then sits in my lap and asks me to kiss it better. I kissed his cheek. "No Mommy, you missed". "You want me to kiss your tongue?", I squirm. He nods and sticks out his tongue. I lean down to his face to give him a little peck, only to have him cram his tongue down my throat!

OMG!!! Eeeewwww!!! Yuck!!! Gross!!! You sick monster!!! How could you do that???

Does anyone know of a good therapist?

Matthew's surgery

Matthew had his tonsils and adnoids out on Wednesday. What was supposed to be a 4-5 hour stay in the hospital turned into an overnight stay as his adnoids hadn't cauterized properly and he had to be rushed back into surgery for a second time to stop the bleeding. He tried his best to be a trooper but he was in agony and exhausted so it was hell to get him to take his medicine or take a drink or a popsicle for the first 2 days. Once we got him home the battle to take his medicine continued, with him holding it in his mouth and refusing to swallow it for 15 minutes. Daddy at one point even had to put his shoes on him, put him in the car, drive away from the house and tell him he had to go back to the hospital to get a needle if he wouldn't swallow it. It worked.

I think he's on the mend though because he's eating and drinking like a champ, he's throwing his toys all over the house again, and he's back to poking his little sister in the eye!

Motherhood can be a boring spectator sport!

Ugh! Matthew wants me to spend time with him. I have no problem with this (except weekdays 11am-12pm so I can watch The View). Well, I have one problem lately; he won't let me do anything that he's doing. He plays computer games, sitting on my lap and I'm not allowed to play too. Do you know how painful it is to play pinball with a kid who just lets the balls drop down the hole and you have to start all over? Oh, and he won't let me lay my head down on the desk to sleep while he's playing; I MUST sit upright and look at the screen! If we're playing with his trains I can set up the track but I am not allowed to actually play with the trains. And the sandbox? I can sit beside him and watch him make tracks in the sand with his diggers but I'm not allowed to make sandcastles (dumb kid! That's what sandboxes are for!). How do I convince a 3-yr-old to let me play too????